Vampire Weekend - A-Punk

Haha this is a cute video!

Meiko - Boys with Girlfriends

Living is so tiring to me. Maybe it's the way I allocate my time that exhausts me so quickly--recently I've been inserting blue boxes into every white space on my Google Calendar without taking into account how much ballroom exhausts me or how much time I need to get ready or where I need to leave time to breathe. People at Penn impress me so much with their work hard, play hard mentality and how they manage to keep it all together through it all (or at least keep a reasonable front). They seem to able to make Monday classes with hangovers, get straight-As yet not be one of those studious "missing" people.

In New Zealand, things were all about meeting people and exploring which was absolutely awesomely relaxing. But as evidenced by the independent project I took up and the winter job search and the side work I started on my portfolio while I was there, something in my nature stops me from sitting still for long periods of time. I constantly need to push myself, I need to be better... I need to go out on Fridays yet I need to work on my demo reel alone tonight. But unlike most of my peers, living this double life is way-y-y beyond my capacity. So I end up stretching myself out until the breaking point and I dissolve into a blubbery mess over existential/quarter-life crisis of-the-month. It's almost as routine as my menstrual cycle. (OH MY GOD. Correlation. Haha.)

I can't stop. I can't stop wanting even though it's wearing me down. And I know it's a stretch to say I'll never truly be happy chasing my desires 'round and 'round, but it really scares the shit out of me to think that there's so end in sight. It almost makes me want to give up now and sleep for the next twenty years. Except I'd wake up all pissy everyone else got their degrees and dream careers while all I accomplished was... nothing... I can't even stand the thought. That's not happiness to me. Somehow, idle happiness is not happiness to me.

How do you do it, summa cum laude fraternity boy? How do you take seven classes, ballroom dancer? Where do you find the extra time and energy--and how much are you willing to sell it to me for?

MIA - Ten Dollar

I'm feeling inordinately pissy right now. The carrot-cake-flavoured Clif Bar I'm eating has real bits of carrot & looks like one of those rubber gag barf splatters. Ballroom sucks. I am growing horizontally. Don't want to study for Physics tomorrow.

What can I get for ten dollar? Anything you want.

Junior Boys - In The Morning / Daft Punk - Technologic

I don't know what happened to me between the last fourteen years of my education and this semester, but all of a sudden I'm making it to my early-morning class consistently on time. Every time the fifth alarm on my cell phone rings at 8:30am I'm certain I won't think consciously again until I awake with a start four hours later, but then I surprise myself by dashing down the stairs and making it. And staying alert and interested throughout 90 minutes of lecture.

I'm sort of scaring myself.

What brings me to Annenberg two 9ams a week is a class called Communication and Persuasion, taught by Professor Cappella--yeah, I'm trying to learn their names now. *(When I took Physics I didn't realize my prof was Hollebeek and not Fortune for, eh, a month or so...) This is a boring topic for someone completely uninterested in advertising, politics, or anything that requires this manipulative skill, but the lecturer makes it interesting in the way he speaks and presents his points. I've had too many teachers (unfortunately in compsci, math, and other technical fields) that don't speak well or don't engage their class in the topic, and because of this I inevitably lose interest and stop attending class at all. And he's very clear, which I realize is important when I place him next to my engaging but hard-to-follow World Film prof (he throws in so much film jargon that goes way over my head). He's making me freakishly excited about formulating a Health PSA to practice persuasion techniques; he even makes me want to raise my hand in a big lecture class. He shows the Colbert Report and Blagojevich interviews in class that are entertaining yet intregal in my understanding of his examples. This is really a good teacher. For once, I feel like I'm doing good in spending (as my one-time Biology prof informed us) the $4000 we do per class at Penn.

Rediscovering Van Pelt in between lectures while rediscovering So You Think You Can Dance music from 2007 while avoiding Physics. I haven't been a good student since college, a straight-A student since 9th grade, a top student since 6th when I moved from near-rural Massachusetts to the Three Village School District. I know grades are all relative, but I wonder if I can make this education worth it after two years of slacking off.

Listening: Junior Boys - In The Morning (this song is so hot, in a sleazy way) | Daft Punk - Technologic (after the Humans are Dead robots will go clubbing to this song)

Lou Reed - Perfect Day

This is your brain... this is your brain on drugs. While hobbling to Student Health this afternoon every song on my iPod seemed too loud, too fast, too offensive... except for this one! Fever-head manifested as a melody sounds like this. Lalala.

Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
Someone good

Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

This is one of my favororororitest songs of all time--it's so pretty I can't describe it in words, you'll have to listen for yourself. A friend of mine introduced it to me in freshman year, during which I remember many nights listening to it on my iPod, lying awake in bed and thinking. Strangely happy memories :)

I am gluttonously devouring a tub of cereal and blogging. Too much dance and class and sickness and deadline-ness there's no time to breathe. And think. And happily become a fattie.

Aretha Franklin - My Country Tis Of Thee / Itzhak, Yo-Yo, co. - Air & Simple Gifts

Aretha and her gargantuan bow

Yo-Yo Ma is so smiley :D

MGMT - The Youth

Wtf is up with the glittery hipster children in this video? I never liked this song but it got very stuck in my head for no reason on Saturday.

This is a call of arms to live and love and sleep together
We could flood the streets with love or light or heat whatever
Lock the parents out, cut a rug, twist and shout
Wave your hands
Make it rain
For stars will rise again

The youth is starting to change
Are you starting to change?
Are you?
Together, together, together, together...

Chopin Ballade No. 1 (from The Pianist)

Kind of want to see this movie again.

Elliott Smith - Son of Sam

Kind of satisfying song for a day spent lost in the disastrous NYC weekend subway system, dodging unwanted inquiries about my marriage plans from creepy men, waiting around in the cold to avoid being stalked by said creepy men, being stranded in a sketchy area of Queens, realizing the extent of my ballroom regression, feeling highly uncomfortable contemplating racism, finding metal shavings in my already crappy diner pasta, and functioning on three one-hour pockets of sleep I got last night because the apartment is so hot it parched my throat to hell and repeatedly woke me up.

Bleh.

Ben Folds - Smoke

Double Feature! Because I'm trying to compensate for not being able to find "Alice Childress" on YouTube, here are two versions of "Smoke." The first was performed in 1997 with Ben Folds Five on a series called Sessions at West 54th, and the second was done in 2005 with the Western Australian Symphony Orchestra. Neither mimics the studio version on Whatever and Ever Amen, yet both have their unique charm--the first because it's so raw, unpolished, and honest; the second because it simply sends chills down my spine.

So sleepy don't wanna go to MAC. =P

Sessions at West 54th


Western Australian Symphony Orchestra

Flight of the Conchords - The Most Beautiful Girl

This has inexplicably been stuck in my head all day... maybe all week. You're so beautiful, like a... tree... or a high-class prostitute. I constantly have the urge to blurt out lines from this song at inappropriate moments...

I just went with one of my roommates (I almost said flattie) to stand in line at the opening of Chipotle on Walnut Street and it's damnnnn cold. The line stretched halfway down the block and by the time I got my free burrito an hour later my toes were frozen and I could only c-walk home. Now I am sitting on top of my heater that is turned up to 85 degrees because I've decided to take full advantage of the services Rodin provides and who am I to say no to free stuff? This might also go well with the free leftovers I pilfered from people who don't finish their meals.

Hooray for only one class on Thursdays, a nice view, snow flurries I can watch floating by my 13th floor window but don't have to walk in. Hooray.

Mazzy Star - Into Dust

I can't fall asleep. Before Melatonin and the prevalence of wireless internet in laptops, which together made my insomnia seem a little less daunting, late at night when I couldn't sleep I'd do what I was doing five minutes ago: staring at the lights on my ceiling. It's a rare sight nowadays, that blank corner at the top of the room decorated with illuminated stripes let in by the blinds. This scene is a faded memory of countless other sleepless nights in my life, all important in my mind... because nowadays I never see the ceiling lights anymore unless I've just gone to a new place and haven't yet settled into the routine of escaping online. After the commotion of moving subsides and leaves me nothing but darkness and quiet, I start to think. And everything begins sinking in.

I remember being scared that first night in Dunedin, where the cold repeatedly jolted me awake to sight of yellow streetlamps flooding into my too-large room. I remember my first night in New York this past winter, the blinds letting rows of light into my cousin's shoebox apartment, the excitement that came with being there. Sansom and the curtains that prevented the dim glow of the city from entering the dorm, how I felt when viewing them from below. My first night at home, in near-complete darkness. Moments long ago when I crawled into my parents' bed after being scared by some bump in the night and felt safe between the sheets watching the headlights of passing cars roll across our ceilings and walls.

This is my first time sleeping in Rodin 13, the last few hours before class begins again, and the first time since I've come to Philadelphia that I've felt comfortable, really comfortable, with my being here. Just another ceiling-light memory I'll remember for the next time.

MGMT - Electric Feel

Because 115 plays (not counting the ones in the car, on CTV, or on YouTube) and 5 months later, I am still obsessed with this song.

(I don't know wtf is up with this video but I couldn't find a version of the actual one that would let me embed. Here's the real one... it's like LOTR + LSD... and almost as addictive as the song itself haha.)

Snow Patrol - The Golden Floor

Back! Tired. Love new roommates already. Nearly spent the last twenty-four hours in bed. Nervous about school. MAC this weekend aaaaaaaaah.

Songs with clapping in them = yay.

Death Cab for Cutie - The New Year

Only three resolutions this year...

1. Look beyond myself: in relationships and friendships, in my very spoiled and privileged life, but most of all when it comes to family matters.
2. Be dedicated, passionate, and focused about the things I do. This not only includes being a good student but also sticking to my word when I decide to achieve something.
3. And the obligatory but futile: don't be a fatass.

I can't believe I'm returning to Philadelphia. The entirety of last year's Spring semester was spent holed up in my room researching and applying and studying so I could escape this place--and after all that, I'm finally going back. I'm nervous as fuck. The escape that my parents and the engineering school mercifully granted brought me to the other side of the world and back, made me mature more than I thought possible, and gave me the best year of my life thus far. No amount of thanks could fully express my gratitude for the opportunity I had to experience white sands, southeast Asia, Meeting the Parents, Spice Girls, Kiwi hospitality, endless green hills at the edge of the ocean, friends across the globe, Darling Harbour, night market labyrinths, becoming a New Yorker, all this time at home. I am grateful I was given a clean slate and the chance to figure out how to be happy--four years ago, my defeatist self never ever thought it possible. It's been a mind-blowing, life-changing six month vacation... and now the vacation's over.

Going back to school, I feel like I have to repent for all the mistakes I made in frosh and soph years, as well as work extra hard to make up for all the money I spent jetting around the globe. I'm so nervous I just popped an entire sheet of bubble wrap. But I'm excited too. Yeah, there still stands that crippling fear that my moodiness was situational and as soon as I come back to the stress and competition of school it'll become clear that nothing has really changed and I'll go back into hiding, but... I'm determined not to let that happen. Hope it won't. I guess I'm mainly excited to see how this semester plays out, even if I fail miserably.

This is even more affecting than my first step back on U.S. soil (I spent two hours afterwards chatting cheerfully to my parents like I returned from a week summer camp) or even New Year's (despondent and so out of it I only remember 2 of the last 10 seconds of 08). So even more than November 15th or January 1st, today is the beginning of my new year. Things are gonna be different whether or not I want them to be.

Doves - Caught By The River

Top Ten Winter Moments (in no particular order):

1) Covering Switchfoot, Taking Back Sunday, and The Spill Canvas songs late into the night with Mike and Kev. Thinking up vocal arrangements and harmonies to Kevin's guitar, then recording and performing them for our parents the next day. My childhood friends/two extra bros! We've known each other since before we could talk. TRY.

2) Discovering our retard alter-egos in an epic game of Psychiatrist. Aid... us? H...... H.... rocks! Zoo! Platypus! Shunnnnn. Hitting on Alex and dying when he didn't give us enough attention. Horrible impressions of each other. Everything having to do with cocks. And let's throw Bill Clinton in for good measure, too.

3) The real life version of Lou Reed's Perfect Day was pretty much like this: quest for Magnolia cupcakes, panda porn in the Museum of Sex, ice skating lessons in Central Park, DIY noodles in Chinatown, talking over crappy bubble tea.

4) New Year's Eve, which I hardly remember.

5) Sporadic midnight McDonald's runs: fogged breath and french fries on the hood of Tom's car. Yes we're going to get fat off the Dollar Menu. Yes, it's all about the h-o-n-e-y m-USTARD. Yes, the frozen fingers were extremely worth it.

6) A deep conversation with Eric in Red Lobster. He never fails to amaze me with unwavering support, meal-utensil clumsiness, and sage advice. The cow brunch place, Speed Racer, bululup! ahhh I'm going to miss my big bro.

7) Mistakes. Honesty. Revelations. Growing up a little bit. All at the hands of a little device that I'm told could give me brain cancer, but that's okay.

8) Talking about boys and nude photography with a certain relative of mine over The Princess Bride. And then cuddling because her shoebox of an apartment isn't large enough for a guest futon. My (second) cousin is basically the older sister I never had--she even curled my hair before work!

9) That moment I looked around at our ragtag group of friends and realized how much I'm going to miss them and our fun times on this boring island. Some of these friendships are eight years and going, some feel like they barely started, yet when somebody says Remember that time...? we ALL remember and it's too hilarious to handle.

10) Visiting Penn and realizing I didn't feel as out of place as I thought I would.

OneRepublic - Say (All I Need)

I said, all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head.

Rilo Kiley - Close Call

Posting a song is becoming a mini-highlight of my day. Throughout the morning I've been perusing my iPod and weighing my choices and now I finally get to post it woot. So. Close Call? I don't quite connect with the meaning of this song but the way it sounds totally matches how I felt yesterday. It's amazing to me that although I can't even begin to explain or categorize that emotion, a melody and a beat does it perfectly. I find that to be the beauty of music.

PS I hate olives. My liver hurts. It's my last day at work. I can't wait to get home.

Flight of the Conchords - Bret, You've Got It Going On

I woke up with this song stuck in my head. Anyways, totally random but I keep passing by or looking up these places but haven't gone... causing this list to pile up in my head:

- Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar (expensive but wine+chocolate=heaven)
- That Japanese place (on St. Marks that has after-meal self-serve cotton candy and a scary bear statue in the front... donno the name)
- Pinkberry (because I've been to Red Mango and was disappointed at the limit of only three!! flavors)
- Tacky Indian Restaurant on the top-left (cause out of the four TIRs there I went to Panna II on the top-right, pictured, and heard the top-left was tackier)
- Chinatown Ice Cream Factory
- Momofuku Noodle Bar (great ramen but has bad reviews?)
- Magnolia Bakery (again, to eat the heavenly white-chocolate macadamia cheesecake and because I didn't get to try the cupcakes last time)

Ryan Adams - Wonderwall

All the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe... you're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all... you're my wonderwall

edit: i reallyreallycannot stop listening to this song. reasons for this would be (1) i'm learning it on the guitar :D (2) i keep flashing back to the seth/summer scene in season 1 (3) it's so damn beautiful yo

Umbrellas - Ships

1. Umbrellas - Ships 204
   
2. Stars - One More Night (Your Ex-Lover Remains Dead) 168
3. Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone 162
   
4. Anya Marina - Move You (Slow & Steady Seduction Phase II) 159
   
5. Umbrellas - The City Lights 152
   
6. Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead 139
   
7. Death Cab For Cutie - Photobooth 138
   
8. KT Tunstall - Other Side Of The World 137
   
9. Athlete - Tourist 132
   
10. Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight 132
    
11. Rilo Kiley - Dreamworld 132
    
12. KT Tunstall - Universe & U 128
    
13. Rilo Kiley - Portions For Foxes 127
    
14. Death Cab For Cutie - Summer Skin 126
    
15. Goo Goo Dolls - Slide 125
    

I've lost my blogging mojo for the moment--I think that until I figure out how to act with a little more care and consideration, this will become a boring music blog. Hopefully 2009 will be filled with fewer words and overcomplications, more singing.

These are the top 15 songs (and play counts) on my iTunes playlist. Observations: The only new entries since 2007 are #4/11/13. Ben Folds is strangely not on this list. This is heavily Grey's-influenced. #1 has unwaveringly retained its place at the top ever since I discovered it freshman year even though I could swear I never listen to it any more. Yay Umbrellas! Companion on late nights with bright screens--you're so lovably emo.

Just like ships, we float through each other's lives
Through the waters of beauty and grace
We will one day dock at the same port
And give rest to our weary legs
There is a light placed up in the sky
Like the stained glass, time slows down
I wish I could sleep, I wish I could dream
I love the sound of my feet against these empty streets
I saw the whole town burn down
I'm walking away
Nothing stays, these feelings have wings
Our arms outstretched, we are soaring

Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Sia - Soon We'll Be Found

So come along, it wont be long
'Til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies
In this world we call sleep
Let’s desert this day of hurt
Tomorrow we’ll be free