Death Cab for Cutie - The New Year

Only three resolutions this year...

1. Look beyond myself: in relationships and friendships, in my very spoiled and privileged life, but most of all when it comes to family matters.
2. Be dedicated, passionate, and focused about the things I do. This not only includes being a good student but also sticking to my word when I decide to achieve something.
3. And the obligatory but futile: don't be a fatass.

I can't believe I'm returning to Philadelphia. The entirety of last year's Spring semester was spent holed up in my room researching and applying and studying so I could escape this place--and after all that, I'm finally going back. I'm nervous as fuck. The escape that my parents and the engineering school mercifully granted brought me to the other side of the world and back, made me mature more than I thought possible, and gave me the best year of my life thus far. No amount of thanks could fully express my gratitude for the opportunity I had to experience white sands, southeast Asia, Meeting the Parents, Spice Girls, Kiwi hospitality, endless green hills at the edge of the ocean, friends across the globe, Darling Harbour, night market labyrinths, becoming a New Yorker, all this time at home. I am grateful I was given a clean slate and the chance to figure out how to be happy--four years ago, my defeatist self never ever thought it possible. It's been a mind-blowing, life-changing six month vacation... and now the vacation's over.

Going back to school, I feel like I have to repent for all the mistakes I made in frosh and soph years, as well as work extra hard to make up for all the money I spent jetting around the globe. I'm so nervous I just popped an entire sheet of bubble wrap. But I'm excited too. Yeah, there still stands that crippling fear that my moodiness was situational and as soon as I come back to the stress and competition of school it'll become clear that nothing has really changed and I'll go back into hiding, but... I'm determined not to let that happen. Hope it won't. I guess I'm mainly excited to see how this semester plays out, even if I fail miserably.

This is even more affecting than my first step back on U.S. soil (I spent two hours afterwards chatting cheerfully to my parents like I returned from a week summer camp) or even New Year's (despondent and so out of it I only remember 2 of the last 10 seconds of 08). So even more than November 15th or January 1st, today is the beginning of my new year. Things are gonna be different whether or not I want them to be.